I'm too emo

Craving simplicity

2009-06-19T10:08:00.001+08:00

I just have this strong cravings for...MEE SIAM. Hmm....it's Friday, and I'm going to shot-gun Qiji's Mee Siam for lunch. Hungry.

2009-06-18T11:24:00.002+08:00

Was it love, or just something that reminded me of something that felt a lot like, but wasn't, love?Just friends, friends then, until the end. You know I still pretend, just friends. Take a step and come out of the shade. I can tell you're no longer afraid. I'm helpless without your warming smile. Take a step and come out in the sun. I can tell it's already begun. I'm helpless without your warming smile.
Was it love, I think it was but I'm far from sure. I'd never felt that way before, was it love?Just friends, am I a fool to be asking for, a fool to wish that we could be more than friends? Take a step and come out of the shade. I can tell you're no longer afraid. I'm helpless without your warming smile. Take a step and come out here in the sun. I can tell it's already begun. I'm helpless without you, helpless without you, helpless without your warming smile. Your warming smile....

Congratulations!!!

2009-04-30T10:43:00.003+08:00

New boy in town!!!!!!!

Congrats Mia and Len!!

Click to see the Aedan Van Der Beek!

I thought you were my angel.

2009-04-29T01:23:00.002+08:00

Remember those walls I built?

You tumbled them down, and I did not even put up a fight.

Pray this will fade away soon.

Hanging around...

2009-04-28T13:19:00.004+08:00

All your "yesterdays" is already over. The future don't belong to you.

2009-04-21T23:18:00.002+08:00

What must I do to get some honesty around here?

You and me, we're at the dead-end road. This is for the best.

2009-04-17T14:32:00.002+08:00

Once again, the much beloved Friday is here to kickstart the weekend.

I walked into Kinokuniya, and felt dump when the words came out of my mouth before i could stop. I paused before the last word tho, but it was too late. "There're so many.......books." Yes, that exactly what came out. Don't laugh my friend, as I don't mean it that way. I certainly know what I am in for even BEFORE I stepped into the bookstore! There's no read in between the line of what I've just said, just a major simple wrong construction of sentence. It was suppose to be, "There are so many books that I have not read for so long.". I am not being defensive. So don't judge.

Every single time when my MSN trigger a msg, I wish it wouldn't be the, "Hey, lLOOK 100% SEXY GIRLS WITH BIG BOOBS!". And mind you, it's all in caps, with colours. I keep telling myself, one more from you, and you're gone. But I can't bring myself to do it, these are friends whom I talked to and not just sitting on my list. Talk about that, I need to be on a clearing mode soon. I said SOON.

Miles Away.

2009-04-16T23:42:00.001+08:00

I understand....

...those three words are never enough,

when it's long distance....

I'm sorry, I love you.

Promised.

2009-04-15T17:50:00.001+08:00

I was never promised a rose garden. But instead, I got a small plot of beautiful, aching things.

2009-04-14T00:15:00.002+08:00

Its been rather dull lately. Every week when it starts ahead, I just feel freaking down. I don't know why. Prolly like i said before in my previous entry, the days are drawing near.
I don't know what's going to happen, and I don't know what's going to happen after.

All I know I want to get out of this wallowing miserable mood that I am in every time.

Stuck

2009-04-09T18:07:00.003+08:00

By choice, I given up Songkran thinking that doing something wonderful would mean alot to someone. Which is, pushing my trip to the following weekend and gonna end up in Phuket. I hope it's all worth it. I mean, it's all something different definitely, to an island I've never been to. But, oh well (some should know....)...hope!

It's a pretty long weekend and I am totally clueless on what I'm going to do! Yann always will have plans. ALWAYS!
It seems my friends are not so active with the upcoming Easter holiday. Only a few, asking what's it's all about over the weekend. Others just simply quiet. I guess i have to be on a hiatus for this weekend, personal petty cash not working baby!

Puzzled

2009-04-07T23:27:00.001+08:00

I don't know what's going on. ..help?

In my head..

2009-04-01T19:51:00.002+08:00

My time is running up. I know I have to face it soon. Give it back, my heart and soul.

If

2009-03-27T10:53:00.001+08:00

If I die tonight, would you feel the loss?

Supplements, must take!

2009-03-24T23:52:00.001+08:00

My good friend have recently join a Herbalife company. As a good friend and Samaritan, I am helping him promote his website containing all of the information about every products they have. Please do take time to check it out if you want to have a good life, or lose weight for that matter. http://herbalife-raaz.jimdo.com/

something ugly this way comes.

2009-03-18T23:31:00.003+08:00

In this world I am now undying, I unfurl my flag, my nation helpless. I'm on fire, I'm rotting to the core. I'm losing grip to this realities you're sending. You're eating all my kings and queens.

Help.

2009-03-10T23:54:00.001+08:00

I have been here many times before. Hurt myself again, now.

Rule the world...

2009-03-10T01:44:00.001+08:00

You light the skies, up above me
A star, so bright, you blind me, yeah
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t fade away, don’t fade away

Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me
We can rule the world-
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side
We can rule the world

If walls break down, I will comfort you
If angels cry, oh I’ll be there for you
You've saved my soul
Don’t leave me now, don’t leave me now

All the stars are coming out tonight
They're lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you

again...i hurt myself..ouch!

2009-03-06T11:45:00.002+08:00

Not that i wish i could step on a broken glass, and see myself bleeding. if only...too many if only(s) la! irritating...everytime when something goes wrong, all i keep saying is... "if only.." if only, if only bapak kau! okie..tt's a very anrgy pissed off sad me venting..

feels good.

okie..now that i am typing this sentence, trying to make out the pain I feel inside and put it into words...it makes me angry again! Ridiculous! I wouldn't wanna start swearing on your dad, your mother or your whole ancestors. Sorry my beloved friends and foes and strangers who's reading it..i don't mean. But again..ARGH!!! *TOOT TOOT TOOT*

gEEKS AND nERDS

2009-03-05T17:23:00.001+08:00

People I consider friends are geeks and nerds. Hello Eileen and Russell!

Hurray hurray.

2009-02-27T00:04:00.004+08:00

I was hoping for a better new year all together. And so fast its coming March!

I didn't expect that the trips i had was going to be back to back. And lucky me to be able to save up quite a bit for every trip that I am making to.

I hope that the new year will be a way much better one in months to come, not only for this half of the year.

You were dncing from above.

2009-02-26T00:01:00.003+08:00

I looked up the sky...damn there wasn't any stars. And you were Deadmau5-ing the night away while I lay in bed thinking of you...misses.

Thailand cum Bangkok

2009-01-29T06:07:00.001+08:00

The most memorable birthday ever...rock on 24!!!!!! hahaha. Thanks for all the well wishes from my friends..everyone appreciated! and especially to my brother and also to my cousin, bernard...and also to Diana!!!!!!

And..the year starts with a bang.

2009-01-20T22:27:00.001+08:00

Not looking forward to...having second thoughts.

Looking in.

2009-01-06T10:26:00.001+08:00

I just want to make this sad boy smile.

2009-01-05T22:14:00.002+08:00

The hours seems to past by very fast. And the days seems dreading slow. There's so much to think about yet, there's so little that's limited to do.

the heart went gallop gallop

2008-12-31T19:53:00.001+08:00

Let's usher in the new year...2009!

As a friend said, please do block and delete your friends who gives bad aura or negative vibes! See them in 2010...!

2008-12-28T21:58:00.001+08:00

How much worst could it get this Xmas...

I know just how to face the truth.

2008-12-23T11:53:00.003+08:00

It seems '08 was just a blurred masacre that happened so fast. For me, I know I could barely remember what I did, and what i had achieved. Holidays season, X'mas, New Year..a time for happiness, joy and laughter with friends and family. It's the season of giving, and jolly with lotsa good food, supposedly.

I'm not feeling for it this year. It's just another sad, lonely year that had passed me greatly, which reminds me that I am a year older. That's not very fun as biological clock is ticking every second away...sad.

Ridiculous.

2008-12-09T22:16:00.003+08:00

It seems like service in our country is still quite bad. This happened to me earlier at work.

I called up a particular shopping center, which is supposedly to be well known in our country for high end fashion. (If you're thinking it's the building slab in the middle of Orchard Road, I would say no). I called regarding a retail store. One of the world renown fashion brand. I understand that this retail outlet have recently move, together with their office. As part of my job, I was suppose to call and get their address to mail something out to them. So, the customer service gave me the phone number of the outlet. I called, and to my dismay, it was an unallocated number. So, I called them back, and reconfirmed the number given. And the customer service person said yes, it's right. Upon informing her for that when I dialed the number it says unallocated, she suggest I called their fax machine, as that's the next best number that I could try. And still, it was also unallocated.
So I proceed to check on the internet, but as you know I have a little bit of doubt knowing that sometimes the website is not updated. So I checked and I got this whole new number, even the fax!
I tried my luck, and lucky enough, it was correct! After asking and inquiring a few questions, I put down. And to my dismay, I wonder, how could a direct shopping center not update its directory number for its retail outlet? And for a shopping center, where it's holding high end boutiques, this is not acceptable. So I'm thinking, is internet more reliable compared to a direct inquiry?

The devil in me.

2008-12-05T15:58:00.002+08:00

There are times where you simply would want to give in to lust, or what you craved for. But, sometimes, you got to let your mind do the thinking and not the heart do the talking. We all got to take risks in life, fairly true, but not something which jeapordise other people or any relationship. I believe I am now old enough, as to not take stupid risks i would call it.

CRAZY!

2008-12-04T00:18:00.004+08:00

I am going crazy over this two classic collection of Toywatch!!!! ARGH!!!!!! God please answer my prayer to let a group of shining armour get this for my birthday! haha!
This one cost USD195!!!!
And, this one cost USD215!!!

I so can't sleep and going crazy over this...darn! if only no trip!

Daft Punk Rocks my Socks out!

2008-12-02T22:52:00.002+08:00

It's been rather a long time, since I manage to rant something here. I have become sick with the idea of writing something rather seeming less important, or put up my "what i eat today!" or, "what i do today!". Truth is, I work from 9-5, nothing much to do after and head home, watch my normal non-informative shows on television. Nevertheless, i try to catch what's good on Discovery travel and living. Boring right?? I know.

But, I need to feed my small little brain with much intelligence as possible. And, by catching up on traveling when you can't afford one is indeed a good way to retreat yourself before zonking out.

All I could think of right now is my trip off to Bangkok, again! It's barely two months, a month a half I would say. I don't pretty much care about upcoming Zouk out, or my birthday for that matter. But, I would definitely wanna have some food paradise gathering before heading off, with my friends. Is it still too early to ask for a birthday gifts?? I don't pretty much care about how many pressies I get, all I want is one thing. That is........a TOYWATCH!!!!!!!!

It's bloody not a watch, which is a toy, its a brand! I fell in love with this funky little ones, and definitely can't afford with the dooshI'm drawing monthly eh. hahaha! So, anyone out there generous enough to buy this for me, please by all means! I would love to receive it with arms wide open!

The Eraser

2008-10-31T01:03:00.000+08:00

The more you try to erase me
The more, the more
The more that I appear
Oh the more, the more
The more I try to erase you
The more, the more
The more that you appear

And you wonder.

2008-10-24T00:40:00.002+08:00

Wonder how silly it is, for a person to be liking or in love with someone for a very long time. Wait, this leads to, when the other party do not reciprocate back.

Hate to admit, I am one of those naive ones who think alike. And subconsciously, i'm actually still liking someone very dearly although nothing ever happens.s How is that ever possible.

Define, me.

2008-10-22T20:33:00.002+08:00

Kilos have decided to reside in me. It doesn't help to work in Quint, and having a major pantry overload each time. Plus, the culture of food devoured by each one is truly insane.

3 months for a healthy 3 kilos, that's not fair.

Once you have converted to stuff yourself with all these snacks, it will just be Au natural the next time. It's like a good habit that you will just pick it up without thinking twice. How now brown cow? 'Slim 25' ain't doing much of the job these days.

Let's just pray ya?

Essentially yours.

2008-10-21T19:55:00.003+08:00

I have yet to make any mark recently on this blog. The only mark I could get out was the shape of my ass in Quint's office. It's been rather a 'stare at the screen' kinda thing every morning. Not forgetting the major throbbing of one's headache. Mind you, I am still experiencing the rendezvous of a major migraine right now.

It seems that age is catching up on me, and I once used to have a good body immune system. It seems all weak, and major feeding of caffeine and nicotine into my body, like a vampire to its blood. Not forgetting the catching up of weekly prancing around trying to keep up with good music. All that was once nothing, and now, it seems like my legs are going to give way and my lungs is begging to breathe the 'sunlight' it once knew 5 years ago.

All I can think of right now, is the upcoming Diwali that's going to take place, and, a birthday bbq/party. Once again, we're back at High Street Centre on that day, ladies and gentleman. But what's most important, is a 9-days freaking trip to Bangkok and Ko-Chang! Yes please, the soaking up of sun and the sea's clear blue water awaits my arrival baby!

Reminiscing of you and, YOU.

2008-10-16T14:27:00.000+08:00

All I can ever be to you, Is a darkness that we knew, And this regret I had to get accustomed to, Once it was so right, When we were at our high, Waiting for you in the hotel at night, I knew I hadn't met my match, But every moment we could snatch, I don't know why I got so attached, It's my responsibility, And you don't owe nothing to me, But to walk away I have no capacity .

He walks away, The sun goes down, He takes the day but I'm grown, And in this grey, in this blue shade My tears dry on their own.

I don't understand, Why do I stress A man, When there's so many better things at hand, We could a never had it all, We had to hit a wall, So this is inevitable withdrawal, Even if I stop wanting you, A Perspective pushes thru, I'll be some next man's other woman soon.

I shouldn't play myself again, I should just be my own best friend, Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men.

I wish I could SAY no regrets, And no emotional debts, And as we kiss goodbye the sun sets, So we are history, The shadow covers me, The sky above a blaze that only lovers see.

Andreas Kleerup - Until we bleed

2008-10-03T01:48:00.001+08:00

I'm naked
I'm numb
I'm stupid
I'm staying
And if Cupid's got a gun, then he's shootin'

Lights black
Heads bang
You're my drug
We live it
You're drunk, you need it
Real love, I'll give it

So we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts

You wasted your times
On my heart
You've burned
And if bridges gotta fall, then you'll fall, too

Doors slam
Lights black
You're gone
Come back
Stay gone
Stay clean
I need you to need me

So we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts

Now we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts

The way it wasn't.

2008-09-16T17:35:00.002+08:00

I miss you.

You got me going crazy.

...But everything's the same.

Chicane - No Ordinary Morning

2008-09-11T00:06:00.000+08:00

If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew

We moved too fast but I had no sign
I would try to turn the hands of time
Then look to you for the reason why
The love we had passed me by

And as the sun would set you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me?
You've closed your eyes, you no longer see

There were no lies between me and you
You said nothing of what you knew
But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralyzed

You could give a million reasons,
change the world and change the times,
Could not give me the secrets of your heart
and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me now
there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me,
leave the thought of us behind
You could give a million reasons,
change the world and change the times
Could not give me the secrets of your heart
and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me now
there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me,
leave the thought of us behind

Kissing you.

2008-09-08T01:49:00.000+08:00

Pride can stand a thousand trials, the strong will never fall. But, watching stars without you, my soul cries.

tum chi tum chi tum chi...

2008-09-07T21:49:00.001+08:00

I was introduced to a website earlier today. It's for love suckers.

http://www.loveblender.com

Flinch

2008-09-07T12:40:00.002+08:00

"How long have you guys been together?"

[...calmly]..."we've been together...for 10 years.."

"....how...how did you manage to last that long?!"

[calmly...AGAIN..]..."time passes when you're having fun..." [S-M-I-L-E]

Come Closer

2008-09-02T21:32:00.001+08:00

Weather has been rather gloomy. Raining and cold. It all seems rather familiar once again...

Looney love, kills fanatic me.

2008-08-26T22:23:00.003+08:00

The thing that gets to me, is that you never really see. And the thing that freaks me out, is that I'll always be in doubt.

Give me a break.

2008-08-25T22:35:00.002+08:00

Oily marks appear on walls where pleasure moments hung before the takeover. The sweeping insensitivity of this still life. Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth. Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs. Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you. You don't care a bit

Ear-drums.

2008-08-20T23:14:00.002+08:00

*DUSH DUSH DUSH DUSH*

That's all I'm trying to hear, and trying to block all mental madness.
Simply shit.

Beautiful Day Without You

2008-08-19T17:48:00.002+08:00

As much as action speaks louder than words, words are very powerful.

Feeling is a time traveler, a trap. It won't go away the older we get.

2008-08-19T12:02:00.001+08:00

Why is it that when you're in love, or liking someone, it's just so hard for you to breathe the word to them? To tell them that you're mad for them? And then you stress it out...just so unfair isn't it?

E-mail

2008-08-19T01:25:00.001+08:00

I received this email from a friend, thought it would be nice to share it with people. As I'm going through a phase of dilemma.

If you're mad with someone , and nobody's there to fix the situation ... You fix it. Maybe today, that person might still want to be your friend . And if you don't, tomorrow can be too late .
If you're in love with somebody , but that person doesn't know... tell her/him. Maybe today, that person is also in love with you . And if you don't say it, tomorrow can be too late .

If you still love a person that you think has forgotten you... tell her/him. Maybe that person has always loved you. And if you don't tell her/him today , tomorrow can be too late.

If you need a hug of a friend... ask her/him for it. Maybe they need it more than you do... And if you don't ask for it today, tomorrow can be too late.

If you really have friends who you appreciate... tell them. Maybe they appreciate you as well. That if you don't and they leave or go far away today , tomorrow can be too late.

Another Blast!

2008-07-21T21:10:00.003+08:00

As the end of the weekend, I must salute to a wonderful party yet again. Yes, yet another blasting one. Some things are not to be mentioned, but if you're in my shoes, the wonderous of watching NDP rehearsal LIVE infront of your very eyes from a bird's eyeview, is excellent. Though I didnt care less to watch it that much. But some of my friends sure did! Hurray to Fiza Nahwi on turning 25!!!

Up next will be the return of Hawtin!

Hippie-stry

2008-07-14T18:21:00.005+08:00

Just a little sneak of what happened on Upper East side.
(12th July 2008)

Blast!

2008-07-14T11:58:00.002+08:00

The best housewarming party anyone could ever asked for. Simply said, everyone was f*cked that night! :)

Rock on Upper East Coast!!!!!!

If you ever want to be in denial always...

2008-07-03T01:47:00.000+08:00

...read this everyday!

Am I?

2008-07-01T06:52:00.002+08:00

Am I a bus stop?
Am I to satisfy?
Am I to help you fly?
Am I, to help you know?
Am I to tell you it's alright?
Am I...really here?

High hopes to None.

2008-06-29T05:44:00.002+08:00

I was told to be better.

I failed.

I don't want to face the world anymore.

It has hurt my family too much.

If only, they knew how I feel.

All I want to do, is get away from them far away as possible.

Anything I hold.

2008-06-26T03:13:00.001+08:00

It seems I can't sleep and turn in properly. Woke up in the midst of quite an unpleasant dream. Nothing of the sort like monsters or what. And now I can't sleep...i just feel so..empty.

Hope ah? -TUI-

2008-06-25T17:16:00.003+08:00

You know how when you try to express love, and it all came tumbling down? And when you don't express love, it IS there and u just don't do it? That's why, I don't know how to express love. I really don't. It just made me realize, all these while, me saying I love you, I like you, any kind of fondness, took a hell lot of courage out of me. But BUT, u see, it always ends up to being nothing, even when there was something. So what's the whole point, right? Catch my drift? By right, what I'm saying is kinda true.

So, at the end of the day, I keep reminiscing over your empowering perfume smell, your sweet-sinful voice, your cute little squinty eyes, your button-shroomie nose...and all of the above. But what I truly don't know is, what to do. So, YOU tell me as a person who's seeing from outside the box, what do you see me be doing? I wish for some enlightenment.

Sacrifices and willing-ness.

2008-06-24T19:14:00.002+08:00

As much as how each of us grow up, be it in any kind of household, all of us have definitely felt a bit of love from our parents. So much so as they sacrifice for the needs and happiness of their own children. Impossible, if you would say that a parent doesn't love his/her child. Be it if you're being loved lesser than you brothers and sisters, you still are being loved. Isn't it?

I was thinking, and had a thought about how it was, when my parents grow up. Difficult times, but manageable and happy. And when they get married, and shifted away. How parents let go of their own fruits of loin. Take my Dad for example, living far off from his late mother last time. Yes, Malaysia might just be a causeway away, but still, you don't get the chance of traveling or meet her everyday. How is that?

As much as I could get angry with my parents, at the end of the day, nothing could ever beat the comfortableness of their warmth. I can't paint any future without them in it. :)

2008-06-23T06:03:00.002+08:00

Angela Flame was a very very nice laydee. She is so going to give me a 1 on 1 Yoga lessons! Haha!

And so the night the drinks were yummy-licious. But a little bit costly. Fresh liquor with fruits, healthy but yet sinful.

And so the toilet trip was good enough, for me to find this. And snap snap. Read it, as its accurately amazing.

For d blind, it quote:

"The world today
seems more confusing
than ever before
Tv screaming
politicreligionpain

So we seek
shelter in the realness of friends and family
and
frank words

In this meritocracy
(fused with suspect democracy)
all citizrns have the right
to benenfits
of the
social
kind"

Ponder on.

2008-06-19T17:14:00.001+08:00

What's the best thing besides having your wish come true?

Nothing.

Do you ever notice that when you wished something hard, it will come true faster?

Fatal Bazooka Feat Yelle

2008-06-11T02:54:00.001+08:00

This video is darn darn funny and cute!!!!

Idiots and rotten eggs.

2008-06-09T00:38:00.003+08:00

There are so many kinds of men in the world, but they are just all the same. Ironic isn't it?

You know, I think it has become a trend. A trend where, endless Singapore gay boys shows how interested they are with a person, and then disappeared. You know how this things are. It wasn't so much practiced last time.

Pardon me girls, I bet you too, had your share of this. I mean, they make you seem you're all nice, pretty and handsome, and then, u tot they're taking a rain check from you, and apparently, its a very long one.

Trust.

2008-05-28T17:57:00.001+08:00

Don't trust that smile, and all the things that it could mean.

2008-05-28T14:06:00.001+08:00

It's been a while, and I can't write anymore. My life's been too mundane to tell a tale.

Big funky.

2008-05-15T01:51:00.000+08:00

4 more days to go...

Solid and Passionate?

2008-05-13T14:11:00.003+08:00

Have you ever been in love? Was it good?

For my case, the end of everything, I know it was surely good. Though some maybe regrets, but it's still worth it and passionate. But funnily, I can't remember whether there's more to it or not. I certainly know there was, but it's really vague.

How funny at the end of it, we only know that we're satisfied, happy and feels good. Oh ya, also wad we could remember is just the sex too. Everything else...not in memory.

2008-05-13T00:59:00.002+08:00

Humans are the most difficult thing to ever understand. Men speaks in anger, and women speaks in silence. How's that possible? Sometimes wonder why do we ever exist if life is so difficult. Did He planned all these for us? If so, why? Why are we so special to ever receive every tests? No one even knows the meaning of being alive. So why bother?

WWF versus STEVE AOKI!

2008-05-10T01:33:00.003+08:00

You might be thinking, "what's WWF compared to Steve?!" It's not the wrestling thingy, it's World Wide Festival! Simple, people with loads of money, can afford both. People like me, have to make a hard decision. This is all considered under peer pressure. How old to have peer pressure! This is the result of someone who doesn't know his limitations to partying. Goodness.

I so wanna rave for the third day, it's Gilles Peterson himself and M.A.N.D.Y! Erm, and..yah alright, my fren's band, Wiked Aura Batucada. His girlfriend is one of my peers who's pressuring me to go. urgh! Rave Rave Rave!

Okie, bed time now, think later.

MeQuote: "Sometimes, the reasons u gave, are simply fucking stupid. But that ain't gonna stop me from anything. I'm a man, not with many words, but with many brains.".

Rainbows and dreamers in the dark night.

2008-05-08T02:40:00.002+08:00

I was lying, tossing and turning around on my teeney bed. Thoughts ran thru, and the first thing came to mind was, I need a new bed. Yes. I do. Okie next, switch on the fan faster. (DAMN, if only my room's air conditioned) Anyhoo, seems like something's missing...and I can't seem to know what it is. I can't figure it out. And I'm not sleepy at all.

I remembered a mushy-wordy saying, that I heard before from someone I used to treasure so much. "Look up at the stars in the sky at night, and bear in mind that I'm looking at the same stars too, missing you.". I light a smoke, and tried to squint my eye to witness any. I don't know whatever for, but I tried. Face against the grill of my window...my house is just too near other flats. Can't see any. But then ah, why am I even bothering to look up? I'm not missing anyone, or hoping that someone would miss me too. I mean, I do miss someone, but he's simply might be sleeping at this wicked hour. Not might be, he is! Who wouldn't. I wouldn't.

You know how random this entry is, right? I guess it's one of my most no-brainer, just want to blog since there's nothing much to do right at this hour. Okie, back to my weeney bed.

Let's be 'JaneDoe'.

2008-05-06T13:34:00.003+08:00

Ever wish you could escape to somewhere far and just be anonymous, change your name, your status? Unfortunately, living in this small red dot country, you simply can't go anywhere without ka-ching ($$).
Let's just fantasize then for a moment, shall we?
You drive away, somewhere far far...no one knows you, vice versa. You seek euphoria, adrenaline, somewhere else. You just wanna see...incredible!. Know people, have the best time of your life. Knowing you don't have to be ashamed and embarrass about doing the stupidest thing. Sleep with gazillion other men. (Okie, guess the brain's burning abit too much). Reminder, this is just a fantasy, which not many humans are given the opportunity to do so.

You know what sets us apart from animals? We know how to love, care, talk. That's what made us special. Loving and expressing our love and care, compassion towards each other.
I've been to many paradise, I've been to many greater heights as well. Guess you people had been there too, right? But think about this, have you guys been to your self lately? Cause I know I haven't.

Incredible - Madonna (One of those things that's catching up with me...pout)

2008-05-05T21:38:00.002+08:00

Just one of those things
When everything goes incredible
And all is beautiful
(Can’t get my head around, I need to think about it)
And one of those things
That used to get you down
Now have no effect at all
Cause life is beautiful
(Can’t get my head around it, I need to think about it)

Remembering the very first time
You caught that some ones’ specials eye
And all of your care dropped
And all of the world just stopped

(I hope) I want to go back to then
Got to figure out how, got to remember when
I felt it, it thrilled me
I want it, to fill me

You don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone
And everything in life just goes wrong
Feels like nobody’s listening
And something is missing

I don’t want this to end
I am missing my best friend
It was incredible
There is no reason
(Sex with you is..)
Incredible!

fuck me off

2008-04-30T20:09:00.002+08:00

Dunno where I'll be. But all I wanna do, is to be in a spaceship, leaving the sun behind me.

Sadly, I just wanna watch the clouds as they pass by.

2008-04-30T19:46:00.003+08:00

I'm not angry. Or pissed for that matter. I don't want big surprises. I know the consequences i have to face for whatever that went wrong. But, I'm making it up big time. But, i'm still just a boy who wld wanna have fun for just, one day. And that ain't possible. You may not have the intentions or wadeva you've asked, but try putting yourselves in my shoes and you get what I mean. I just want to be left alone...really alone.

Right after, downhill it went.

2008-04-24T14:40:00.002+08:00

It's degrading truthfully, to go in a class with a bunch of youngsters and you're doing it for the second time. Something which no one would be proud off. If he/she does feel proud, let me know and I'll slap the oblivious out of them.

To sit down, then re-do what you're doing again, my god. It's saddening, but u just gotta swallow the sh*t as much as possible. Quitting my job, that was hard enough too. My heart was darn heavy as to leave the best people I've worked with, or would say, the only best people I'm gonna worked with, ever. Financial is being control, your life. Like a baby, every little step, I'm being monitored. It kinda degrades your dignity for a bit. But what can I do? Nothingggggg. *pout*

Nostalgic hiatus.

2008-04-23T00:08:00.003+08:00

Of course if I were to ask you to try remember your first day of kindergarten, you can't. Probably the haunting of wailing and crying made by your classmates.
My time was, everyone's in white shirt and pink shorts, and a pink boy tie. Yes, imagine every kid standing still and smiling, picture perfect. But no no. You go to school, your mum waves you off, sent you right in front of the door, where she hands you to the teacher. And you were led to your seat, where other anonymous face stare blankly at you. You look back, and there your mummy making small conversation with your one and only teacher. As you were about to turn back, some rather uncontrollable kid, started crying. And like domino's effect, another one started crying. And it followed through. Argh! The whole class is crying, including you. Comfort zone, you turn to look for your mum, and there she was, waving to you through the small metal window, plus some other kid's mother. It goes on and on...and the rest, I can't remember.

But going back to school wasn't like this when you're a grown up. You run thoughts in your mind, should I act cool, should I act like i'm not friendly, or should I simply be smiling, at everyone. You open the door, and it's very very tempting to just sink in and fade into the back of the class, more of at the back corner of the class. So no one would notice you. And you give in to temptation, unfortunately.
But as soon as you're settled, and here you are, lost in your own world, excited about the whole idea of you going back to school. It seems like only you and the lecturer existed, and, WHAM! Damn it, someone interrupted. You made a new friend, Wa Laa!
And the cycle goes on, until you have your own smoking buddies, your own click. Coolest group in the class. Yes, fashionably late, and bitchy. Comes the regular skipping of classes, hanging out for coffee and indulging in scones like some rich asses. You missed a whole lot of modules and classes and sadly, not as clever as everyone else, you fail. Hard reality bitch slap given to you. Ouch!

And the cycle repeats itself again, but somehow different. Now you're back repeating the same module, the same old books, the same old lecturer, but what's different, is the classmates. You decide not to make much new friends, you stayed focus this time round, and you see, the other kids around you, being so young and naive like you were before, laughing and talking and not listening. Skipping classes and eloping for every smoke break they could get. It sad, how I wish I could tell them MY story.

Everytime..

2008-03-24T02:52:00.002+08:00

Life's been pretty much friendly, after you manage to sort things out. It feels like a after heavy downpour, when the sun shines thru the dark clouds. Not exactly much of a free mind, but, I could sleep more soundly late nights. Just have to go thru the puddle of waters and let it dry up.

Oh, someone's making me think of him.. :)

Love by cards.

2008-03-10T14:36:00.002+08:00

I wonder if it's possible to have a love affair that lasts forever. If you're married for thirty years and you're cooking breakfast for the one you love and he walks in, does his heart really skip a beat? I mean if it's just a regular morning, I guess it skips a beat over that breakfast and that's nice too. It's nice to have a little breakfast made for you.

The biggest price you pay for love is that you have to have somebody around, you can't be on your own, which is always so much better. The biggest disadvantage, of course, is no room in bed. Even your pet cuts in your bedroom.

Love and sex can go together. Sex and unloved can go together. Love and unsex can go together. But, personal love and personal sex is bad.

Stop and stare.

2008-02-28T03:16:00.002+08:00

When karma becomes your best friend, and fate turns to be ur biggest enemy, all you could do, is hope. And hoping, I meant, not in a praying kinda way, but more of putting it on someone. You make their story into all about you. When they fall in love, you wish you were like them. When they date, you wish that you could go on a date. When they kiss, you wish you could kiss and hold someone. And you pray, subconsciously, not for you, but for them. Cause why? Cause you've built your castle around their dreams. It's unhealthy.

Listening to Adele - Chasing Pavements.

2008-02-27T02:33:00.002+08:00

I give up. I really do...

Sometimes, the wrong path we choose, is where our destiny awaits. BUT, it could be really wrong, like mine.

Don't need to look no further.

2008-02-15T01:30:00.001+08:00

The only excuse that I could ever came up for Valentine's Day, is that it's Mummy's birthday. Thank god it's for real.

Suicide Note of mine.

2008-02-04T22:02:00.000+08:00

Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone.

- The Notebook.

I found...

2008-01-28T17:06:00.000+08:00

In a world filled with darkness, we all need some kind of light. Whether is is a great flame that shows us how to win back what we've lost, or a few glowing bulbs that reveal us the hidden truth of our past.

We all need something to get us through the night. Even if it's just the tiniest glimmer of hope.

Faith, bite me!

2008-01-28T04:46:00.000+08:00

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth, at least that's what they say. He created the birds of the air, and the bees of the field, and he looked at his creation, and he saw that it was good. And then God created men, and it's been downhill ever since.

The story goes on that to say that God created men in his own image, but there's not much prove of that. After all God make the sun and the moon and the stars, and all men make is trouble.

Things don't just happen, people make it happen. People priorities, people make decisions, the world just doesn't happen. Don't get me wrong, I have faith. I do. It's not that I don't believe in God, I just believe in love, and hurt. Faith isn't medicine, faith can't heal you. But then again, it can hurt.

The miracle of life itself, why people live and die, why they hurt, or get hurt, is still a mystery. We want to know the reason, the secret, the answer at the back of the book. Because the thought of us being all alone down here, is too much to bear. But at the end of the day, the fact that we show up for each other, in spite of our differences, no matter of what we believe, is reason enough, to keep us believing.

Drill me.

2008-01-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

When growing up, bash was what we always wanted every year. I still remember, the parties, the wonderful cakes baked by my own mother. Inviting the entire neighbourhood if possible. Playing games, having fun the whole day. Pigging out with loads of food. Every single family members was involved. Many many birthday pressies you could ever get in your whole entire life.

And as we grow older, we don't do bash at home anymore. Either wonderful friends planned a surprise for us, or simply, having the comfort of the people you love around you.

Clock strike upon the hour, and all I want to do, is sit home. Older you get, the wiser you are. The wiser you are, the more u reminisce. But all I hoped for, was a wish I made on that very day, to come true.

Obsession the fantasy.

2008-01-13T13:51:00.000+08:00

Up till now, I'm always cheering people and trying to make them believe that '08, is gonna be a better year compared to '07. It's just that things r being dragged on to '08 apparently, so it's gonna be a rougher patch for a start.

It's an odd thing to look back at these people (friends), to watch them. Each in their own way so brave, so determined, and so very desperate. Desperate to venture out, but afraid of what they'll miss when they goes. Desperate to get everything that they wants, even when they're not exactly sure of what that is. Desperate for life to be perfect again, although they realizes it never really was. Desperate for a better future, if they can find a way to escape their past.

I not only watch, but I cheer them on, these wonderful friends of mine. I hope so much for what they're looking for. But I know not all of them will. Sadly, that's not just the way life works. Not everyone gets a happy ending.

2008, still hurts with every heartbeat.

2008-01-03T19:04:00.000+08:00

The very first post of 2008, prolly not on the 1st, but good enough for people who doesn't exactly have the mood and recuperating at home. Countdown was held at Clark Quay, in the private comfort of my brother's office. A wide spread of KFC, having the adults acting like kids bickering over original recipe and crispy. The wonderful smooth chocolate cherry liquer, yum yum. And to sum it up, yippee, a blast from Esplanade's fireworks. Marvelous. Sadly, one of the beloved Bunny couldn't join us, due to Tokyo trip.

Extended til Zouk, Garnier, such racist. Hahaha!. House, drum n bass, euro thrash..weeeeeee! Prance prance prance! Okie, I'm still down from that. Alright, need to rest now. XOXO.

Christmas it was...

2007-12-27T03:45:00.000+08:00

The annual block party routine I could remember, was a relapse which most people are having from 2007. Wasn't exactly the kind where people would sit to be reminded of the so-called insightful year they had. Supposedly where people would gather to be giving and receiving, mingling, gossips subsided til late at night, drinking on wine and eggnog, lovers under mistletoe. That's just what we always have in mind.
There's always a reason why people can't wait for Christmas, and it has little to do with family reunions, or curling up with a cup of eggnog or that unexpected kiss beneath the mistletoe, much receiving a present from that special someone. No, people look forward to Christmas because they know, it's time for miracles.

Someday, somehow..

2007-12-23T04:24:00.000+08:00

Some days, the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, and when you least expect it, the whole world rights itself again.

Fear is what everyone has. We're scared as hell as to want somebody. It may not be enough for them, but we don't want them to date anyone else except us. That's it, except that we're afraid, but here we are, still wanting them anyway. But, fear means we have something to lose, right? Then we don't want to lose them.

I think, it's better to have someone, even if it hurts. Even if it's the most painful thing you've done, even if it's the most painful thing you had to do. I still think it's better to have someone.

Crinckle my nose

2007-12-14T02:38:00.000+08:00

It's sad, that we always want something which we can't get.

I keep it to myself.

2007-12-11T22:57:00.000+08:00

I've seen and looked at u many times around. We even shared minimal secrets in the dark. We are friends. Tick tock and here we are, still. The difference? Me.
This time when I looked at you, there was something new. How could I be so blind. Though we're only friends, I don't know when the feeling changed within my heart. I don't want to push you away, I'll keep it to myself.

Too late.

2007-12-06T04:04:00.000+08:00

There's too many 'what if(s)'. I just don't know where to begin. More like can't.

All I know is that, I feel as though I'm missing a complete stranger. How do I let go of this rope?

Come back to me

2007-12-05T01:12:00.000+08:00

Trust is a major fragile thing. Once earn, it afford us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover.

But of course, the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can betray us. And then total strangers comes to our rescue.

In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned.

Yet..again..

2007-12-04T00:18:00.000+08:00

I'm just...not in the mood..screw fate.

Fairytales and bullsh*t

2007-11-30T03:52:00.000+08:00

It was a good long talk with an old friend.

What I've said and learn: Everyone have a specific ideal person in their mind, and a fairytale. It's either you put those fairytale into fiction, our just simply adjust that fairytale to be fitted in into your reality. We have to make do with what we have.

The Consequences...

2007-11-29T04:23:00.001+08:00

...OF DOING YOUR A JOB WITH A PERFECTIONIST IS HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!

It's freaking 4.23 am and I'm still sitting here, waiting for my classmate...to finish up..the freaking..ASSIGNMENT!!!!!!! Cos she wants it to be just..PERFECT!

My bed...my lovely bed....boohoo! and plus...Pooh! I wanna snuggle with Pooh..boohoo.

Me no likey school at this moment. Hmph! Me tempted to do coffee...*rub eyes and pout*

Listen to the rain of the rooftop..can you hear?

2007-11-29T01:01:00.000+08:00

Every storm brings with it hope that somehow by morning, everything will be made clean again. And even the most troubling stains will have disappeared. Like the doubts over his innocence or the consequence of his mistake. Like the scars of his betrayal or the memory of his kiss. So you wait for the storm to pass hoping for the best even though you know in your hearts some stains are so indelible, nothing can wash them away.

The mucus that flows...

2007-11-29T00:44:00.000+08:00

I've decided to bath after a whole day at home. I was just simply lazy and feeling dirty. But, I'm all clean now. Side effects: Flu.

I'm in the midst of doing Case Study when my classmate came online. One thing lead to another. From a complain, to a suggestion (since it can be a group project..you guys go figure), then to her not wanting, and suddenly she wants to see how I did it and ask for the materials, and then...Wa-la! She's doing half of it now. Brilliant. *Raise eyebrows and grin*

Our Mr Raaz, somehow managed to persuade me not to work on Saturday. I feel bad...*poutie*. But, I've already changed my shift to Friday, which means I have to skip school (that's bad too..very bad). But all is well...it's settled.

Same goes for my assignments! Hurray... *whistle and pop party poppers*! Relax, and what else should I do? Countdown!!!!! *points to the sidebar* Yes that "one". And this Friday.. *gasp!* Defected in The House with Claude Monnet!
Check his music here : www.claudemonnet.com

Ramly Ramly Ramly...that's all I can think of. *hmmm....*

Spaghetti routine of throwing and see which sticks longer on wall.

2007-11-28T16:44:00.000+08:00

That's how bored I am.

The daily routine of stoning and lazing is making a turn on me. I'm getting bored of that. *Wonders...* Okie, that's just simply the moron side of me talking. Don't judge.

Counting down the days! Big party big party! Huraaaaaaayyyyy! *Hops around*...*pant pant*..*hops again!*. I have to get ready my "energizer batteries" for the whole night fun and fill me with toxics! *Look side to side*..not in a bad way toxics as in where they dump in the river or wad, no no, not that. Woooooo..! *Hops again!!!!*. Shangrila here I come!